~tdata

Been so long since i wrote here...

I actually submitted a scrap. Yet no one has said something... Though i hate it, my mind can't imagine unique charactors. I try, but i find i see charactors that are someone elses.

Well, i'm going to watch a movie while i decie if i'll go to work tommorrow.

I hope never to have to post something like the last one again... I gives me chills... ^.^

Monday, May 23, 2005

My head feel full and empty at the same time. My mind is racing a lightyear a second, yet my mind is blank,...

It feels like the calm before the storm... I feel that kind of pressure all over.

I want to hurt something, watch it die, knowing i killed it. And on the other hand, I want to be a nice person. Kind and gentle.

I'm afraid, yet serene.

I think death might be a release, but i'm unsure from what.

I feel traped by my existance.

I feel displaced in time.

I find myself wondering what my life would have been like had i been born average.

I have a desire to go into the past to find true for m present.

I want to escape myself.

I wish to be loved and feared in the the same thought.

I wear a false face to sheild my trueself from the world, and from myself.

I create my own world because i am to weak to face the real world.

I am always a burden, never a joy.

My mind is not my own.

I strive to be average but never quite make it.

Everything i have ever truely wanted or desired, has been dangled infront of me then stached away.

I have no hope, dreams, or passion, for when i do, my glass bubble cracks as it is ripped and torn away.

I can shed no tears, lest i never stop.


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This and more can be found on my Xanga Journals [link]

Well for those of you who look at my total lack of anything, here is where i have been keeping a journal... I kinda don't add to it like i should, but hey... I figured i'd add a deviant piece eventhough i dout anyone will know what it means let alone how to use it... well bye... Oh i almost forgot the link... [link]

Addition:

Well it is a scrap... it wouldn't let me submit it any other way... But no worries, i think

I just had the best continuation dream... But i have forgotten all but the beginning, some of the middle, and most of the end. And I won't even remember that much in a few minutes...
I hate the fact that i dream rarely. And when i do, my brain doesn't record it. it is all on my short term memory... And I only get about 1% of my short term memory transfered to long term....
And then the moment i wake up, my mind begins to anilize the dream and it begins to change. It sux.